Being around someone who spares no chance to criticize and humiliate you or boast about themselves can be a testing experience, right?
While you can still avoid such people if they happen to be one of your friends, colleagues, or extended family members, how do you go about dealing with a parent who behaves so?
You may tend to normalize these habits and assume that it is just an aspect of your personality or that they’ll fade with time.
However, you may be surprised to find that they are the narcissistic personality type.
Narcissistic personalities are known for being excessively appreciative of themselves and looking down upon others.
But it can be difficult to recognize if someone is suffering from narcissistic traits, especially if they are your parent(s).
Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered! This blog sheds light on the most prominent signs of a narcissistic mother.
Table of Contents
15 Signs of a Narcissist Mother
If your mother is a narcissist, she may exhibit the following traits. You need to observe her behavioral patterns accordingly and take the next steps to save yourself from the toxic environment.
She Wants You to be “Perfect.”
Over-perfectionism is one of the prominent signs of a narcissistic mother. As a child, your mother likely wanted you to be perfect.
That meant you had to obey her every command, do your homework on time, and excel in your studies.
However, if her “perfect” aspirations exceed the limit, it can get burdensome for you.
She may end up getting too stringent over time and force her expectations on you and become non-receptive of your failures.
She might tell you that you are never good enough or that you must not have tried hard enough.
Forgiveness is a natural trait when you share a close and loving relationship with someone. However, this isn’t the case with narcissistic moms.
They may not forgive you easily, even for the small and silly mistakes you make. Rather, they’ll plunge you into guilt and make you feel your worst about yourself, even for small, insignificant things.
She Blames You For Everything
Narcissistic mothers tend to use harsh words to control their children. It involves criticizing and blaming you for anything and everything that goes wrong.
At the same time, she’ll be as quick to snatch the credit for herself if something works out successfully.
This can leave you feeling powerless and belittled. It could also trap you in the Vicious cycle of self-doubt and kill your productivity in the long run.
She Never Admits Her Mistakes
A narcissistic mother will never admit she’s wrong. She will instead bury her faults in her subconscious and protect the perfect false self that she has created.
She will also be careful to rationalize everything she does, so you can’t exactly blame her for anything by giving convenient excuses.
It is because she simply doesn’t want to accept that she cannot control everything in her life.
Besides, she will stir up drama and competition between her children, which can make them feel inferior and unworthy of her love.
It also teaches them to treat others with contempt and to subsist on feelings of envy.
She’s Using You for Her Vested Interest
Narcissistic mothers tend to use their children to gain sympathy and secure their benefits.
They would seek ways to smartly use you as a Trump card for personal gains without giving you a hint.
She Slanders Others
Slandering is one of the common signs of a narcissistic mother.
It implies making false and damaging statements about others in a way that seems to be coming from a nice, thoughtful, and caring place.
Do not get tricked because it is a strategy to make you feel guilty, worthless, and weak.
She’s Envious of You
Unlike an affectionate mother who wants to see you grow and succeed in all walks of life, a narcissistic mother will be envious of you.
She may not respond nicely when you share the good news, probably about the trophy you’ve won at school.
She may neither compliment you for your appearance, achievements, or your conduct in general. Instead, she would brag about herself in some way or another.
She is Invasive
Wanting to know everything about what’s happening in the child’s life is a very motherly instinct.
It comes out of care and love. However, there’s a difference between being concerned and being overly invasive, and a narcissistic mother would be the latter.
She wants to take full control of your life and keep an eagle eye on everything you do.
This is also because she attaches excessive importance to herself and believes that she deserves to know everything about her life, no matter how personal it is.
Such behavior can keep you under the constant pressure of surveillance and prevent your personality from flourishing.
She Is Snobbish
Snobbery is yet another sign of a narcissistic mother. It implies an overestimated sense of superiority.
Snobs are often insecure about their own material belongings or social status and feel they must put other people down in order to feel better about themselves.
However, snobbery doesn’t always have to be a direct result of feelings of envy. Rather, it can also be a defense mechanism against being treated in an unkind way.
If you’re already dealing with such behavior, remember that the person who’s doing this is just jealous of your qualities and feels the need to put you down in order to feel better about yourself.
It’s also important to recognize that snobbery is a toxic behavior and shouldn’t be treated as a normal part of your relationship.
Instead, try to be kind and polite to her while maintaining healthy boundaries.
She Doesn’t Participate in Your Life Events
Be it your birthday, convocation, promotion, or wedding, if your mother is absent for silly reasons during these extremely significant events of your life, she might be a narcissist.
Seeing you succeed or do well may not please her enough and make her feel intimidated.
She is Too Arrogant
Arrogance is another significant sign of a narcissistic mother. They have an insatiable need to dominate and win, which can make them feel entitled and bratty.
They also often give themselves undue credit for positive achievements. This can be indicative of their insecurity and that they haven’t taken enough time to reflect on their own shortcomings.
She Thinks She Is Better Than You
A narcissistic mother has an exaggerated sense of her own importance and unrealistic expectations. She may often humiliate you in a cold yet subtle way.
For instance, if you tell them about how you’ve qualified for the examination with a decent grade, she will not congratulate you.
Instead, she’ll tell you about how well she did when she was your age and that you stand nowhere close.
She’s Unwilling to Spend Time with You
If you’ve noticed her avoiding spending time with you even when she’s free, she’s probably a narcissist.
You may find her giving poor, irrelevant excuses to escape the scenario.
She Leaves You Struggling
A narcissist will barely provide you with the emotional support or extend a helping hand you need.
Rather, they will leave you struggling with challenging situations during your bad days.
She Doesn’t Empathise
Narcissist mothers show a serious lack of empathy and hence, end up behaving rudely. It may also hamper your self-confidence and make you feel lonely or just not enough. She is also seemingly insecure about your independence.
Unlike normal parents who want to make their children emotionally and physically independent, narcissistic parents want to keep their children tied to themselves.
They fear that they may lose their importance in your life if you start handling everything by yourself.
How to Deal with These Signs of a Narcissistic Mother?
It can be hard to accept the reality that your mother is a narcissistic personality.
But if you’re an adult who was raised by a narcissist, it’s time to stop the cycle of abuse and learn how to be more loving towards yourself.
If you feel like your mother is too involved in your life, try to set limits in a positive way. It can be difficult, but it’s important to stay true to yourself.
Additionally, avoid making contact with your mother if you’re having trouble dealing with her behavior.
If she doesn’t respond to this approach, it might be time for a break.
Set clear and healthy boundaries around your personal, professional, and social life.
In addition, you can also try therapy to better understand your relationship with your narcissistic mother.
Also, remember that you must be extremely careful while dealing with such a person.
They often tend to fall back into their old habits without any warning.
Summing it Up
You may be having a tough time if you are dealing with a narcissistic parent. However, you must try to figure out a way around this to make your life simpler.
If you notice the above-mentioned signs of a narcissistic mother, consider evaluating their past, as it is possible that they weren’t originally so but has become narcissistic over time.
You can also encourage them to see a therapist. It’ll help you deal with her toxic behavior and acquire more effective coping skills.
Also, learn to be independent, take care of yourself, and know your self-worth, so there’s no room for manipulation.
Also read: 12 Traits Of A Narcissist