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“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.”
“Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.”
“Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.”
“Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.”
“I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.”
“I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.”
“I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.”
“When your mother starts using the word "party" as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.”
“Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse.”
"There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim."
"A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error."
"A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error."