‘People say they can’t live without love… I think oxygen is more important’ – Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory.
What is it with intelligent people that makes them so allergic to love? What intimidates them, and what makes them too intimidating in the dating world? Why is love a constant battle with this brainy fraternity?
And why are we even discussing why intelligent people struggle with love?
Dear sentient beings, did you know that the average IQ of humans is dropping by 3 counts every decade? Did you know that rear-ends and farts in a bottle sell more than medicines, art, and books?
In a world starved of intelligence, when the times demand more grey cells in the forthcoming generations and not cellphones, the brain gang keeps shying away from the world of love and procreation. And in this article, we will discuss why they do it!
Table of Contents
They Exist In Their Multiverse Of Priorities
‘They have taken mankind to the moon; we can forgive them their quirks.‘
Intelligent people are usually busy in their own world. They have things to do, targets to meet, theories to prove, PHDs to earn, Nobel prizes to win, and textbooks to write; therefore, their goals are their priority.
Everything else has to fit into the very little spare time they have for excesses, including love, rather than the display of it.
This makes prospective partners feel ignored and unappreciated, eventually leading to breakups.
Brain Over Heart
‘Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.‘ – Brain, Pinky & the Brain.
Intelligent people wear their brains on their sleeves. For the certified intelligent lot, ‘heart is an organ that pumps blood through the length and breadth of the human anatomy; and certainly not something that is presented to respective beaus on Valentine’s Day.’
Why intelligent people struggle with love? Well, they are aware that it’s the brain that plays cupid to bait humans to procreate.
And, if procreation is the crux of the matter, they would rather choose a compatible brain instead of a plastic body, and that too without spending their life’s savings on extravagant bribes and losing their mental faculties over possible emotional turmoil that follows soon after.
Thus, they may seem heartless, especially when a big aching heart is a foundation for love.
You have to be more than an only-fans replica to please intelligent people. In simple words, when looking for love, ‘physical aesthetics’ rarely feature as a criterion. For them, intelligence matters, and it should level up to their frequency.
Unnecessary skin show, raunchy advances, pouting, and using common social media tactics to seduce may amuse them mildly. But sparks of genuine love will fly only if they feel comfortable and compatible with you at an intellectual level.
With the average IQ of the global population declining by about 3 points every decade, I think we know why intelligent people struggle with love.
The Analysis Of Everything!
They think everything through; rather, they overthink. They stringently analyze the meaning of love; they analyze their person of interest and further analyze the probability of good and bad consequences to the extent that they eventually find themselves stuck in a ‘to love or not to love’ situation almost forever.
Meanwhile, the person of their interest, who may also be analyzing the situation at their level, would find it in their best interest to move on.
Commitment delayed is commitment denied.
Love For Freedom, Space, And Solitude
Intelligent people detest being chained to the mundane. They like their freedom, they love their space, and they love solitude. They don’t like being told what to do and what not to do. They enjoy their own company because that’s when their minds work best.
This deeply-ingrained fear of the terms and conditions that come with love, the fear of getting distanced from their cocoons for the sake of pleasing another person and making them feel worthwhile, is perhaps, the reason why intelligent people struggle with love or the idea of it.
They play the game of probability in their heads before proclaiming their love for someone, which to them, is but a dance drama, nature’s master plot to further procreation.
Non-Compliance With Norm
Don’t expect to get a rose on Rose Day, a diamond on Propose Day, Teddy on Teddy Day, chocolate on Chocolate Day, Candle-lit surprises on Valentine’s Day, or a surprise party on your birthday; just don’t. In fact, they may not even remember.
These walking-talking cerebrums may not want to marry even if they are in a committed relationship, and they may choose not to have children. They may change their field of profession frequently, experiment with businesses, drain out their funds for extraordinary hobbies, live a nomadic life, and so on.
In most cases, their existence is always in flux. Love needs stability. Therefore, intelligent people and love are often a mismatch.
Grammatical Errors Can Tick Them Off
So, it is possible that unless you know ‘there’ from ‘their’ and ‘You’re’ from ‘Your,’ you may not qualify as an ideal mate.
Intelligent people are often very well-read, which contributes to their exemplary vocabulary, eloquence, perfection in pronunciation, and even perception, for that matter.
If a prospective mate thus displays lower-than-par grammatical skills, they may try hard enough to ignore the flaw, but it will catch up eventually. In their ears, it sounds like fingernails clawing the blackboard.
They may try to correct you every time there is a slip which can get really annoying.
Grammatical imperfection is not a criminal offense. Therefore, as much as it may tick intelligent people off, the prospective love interests don’t suffer in silence either. Sooner than later, they hand them the bird and move on.
They Often Lack Empathy
Sheldon: ‘Does it affect me?’
Sheldon: ‘Then suffer in silence.’
While studies have proven that intelligent people are likely to have more empathy than their less intelligent counterparts, their love for logical reasoning and rational thinking often makes them appear deprived of this essential element of human emotion.
Being problem solvers by nature, they will scrutinize the issue, locate the error, tell you truthfully who was at fault (including you), suggest a solution, and expect you to follow it to the last word.
So, you may not get a ‘there-there’ from them or a ‘kissy on your boo-boo’ to forget the pain or even a shoulder to cry on.
Love needs the magic of hugs and kisses, something that rational thinking and logical reasoning fall short of; one of the reasons why intelligent people struggle with love.
Extremely Argumentative And The Need To Be Right
‘Just admit that it was your turn to take the trash out and you didn’t, rather than lecturing on possible land / water poisoning that disposed matter may cause.’
Intelligent people are unarguably argumentative, and they seldom stop till they prove themselves right.
There’s a remote possibility for any relationship to last if there’s an argument involved in everything said and every opinion expressed. And the vehemence with which they try to prove themselves right is purely infuriating.
At the end of the day, intelligent people feel that no one understands them and withdraw into their shells, leaving minimal room for communication.
The ‘I’m right, and you’re wrong’ attitude is a glaring red flag in any relationship, and hardly any normal individual in perfect sanity would accept this.
Constant Analysis Of Expressions Of Love
‘When you’re in love, you can move mountains.’ When you’re in love, you can pull extraordinary feats that defy logic.
For example, history has witnessed men jumping into the fire, walking miles through lockdowns, making silent pacts with the universe, and sacrificing their life’s saving on jewelry only to see their beau smile.
An intelligent person, though, would do nothing of the sort. For them, every action has to be backed with a solid ‘reason,’ the foundation of which invariably rests on ‘self-preservation.’
For example, they are the last people to blow up their savings on a bling ring, only to please their beloved. Being blessed with quality grey matter, they know that a penny saved is a penny gained, and expensive bribes never guarantee true love, loyalty, understanding, and, most importantly, intellectual enhancement.
Great thoughts like these make lousy lovers.
‘It must be humbling to suck on so many levels…’ Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory.
Obsessive-compulsive judgment is why intelligent people struggle with love.
Not by intention but by design, intelligent people are wired to judge because it’s a judgment that helps them decide what’s good for them and what’s not.
When in love, though, excessive judgment is a red flag. No one, absolutely no one that actually loves you, would tolerate being judged at so many levels when the person who is judging is someone who’s probably using only a percent and a half more brains than them. It’s insulting and heartbreaking.
Love never lasts under the axe of judgment.
They Often Appear Intellectually Intimidating
‘They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that’s why they hated me‘ – Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory.
Holding a conversation with an intelligent person for even as less as a minute and a half can intimidate a prospective mate with average or below average IQ, to the extent that they would start questioning their self-worth irrespective of how many thousand likes and comments they attract in their post-workout pictures in Instagram on a daily basis.
The last thing anyone wants to feel while dating is ‘stupid.’ Therefore, with an intellectually intimidating presence, love fizzles even before it starts.
The Battle Of Intellect
‘The funniest part was, he was oblivious of me judging him right, when I baited him with a good plot to judge me. I silently ticked my list while he reveled in his intellectual prowess. In the end, a great chance for real love was lost in the battle of intellect.‘
Sometimes, highly intelligent people can be equally unmatched as prospective partners for other highly intelligent people. The battle of intellect, judgment, analysis, self-preservation, and constant debates to prove themselves right all the time kills love.
As they say like poles repel.
A Message To The Intelligent Lot Looking For Love
People who are really intelligent are those that know that they don’t know enough. People who are truly intelligent know that the fun always lies in ‘not knowing.”
Why do intelligent people struggle with love? It’s the fear of impermanence; the fear of deep emotional investment in something so transient; the fear of losing productivity; the fear of being stood-up or being outright rejected, and the fear of seeing their intelligence fail before feelings.
The truth is, nothing in the world is permanent. And, no matter how intelligent you are, there will come a smile that will touch your heart so deeply that, for no logical reason, you will find yourself wanting to move mountains for her even if she is one of those that onboards wishes on shooting stars.
When you find this person, give them a chance. Don’t judge; don’t calculate; don’t analyze. Just exist and experience this ultimate intangible cosmic energy that is beyond the scope of ‘intelligence’ to grasp.
Also read: 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage