While it is nice to be available to the people that surround your existence, there are times you must understand ‘how nice is too nice.
Sad but true, too much availability often makes you less important in the lives of those that may have once craved your attention.
In the long run, keeping your space and time open for all to invade as and when they want only damages your self-respect and eventually leads to deep mental and emotional distress.
If you have been too much available to all you know, it is time to introspect. Here’s a quick guideline to change your course right away and learn how to stop being too much available.
How to Stop Being Too Much Available?
Let Go of Insecurities
When you love and value a person deeply, you also develop latent fear of losing them. This insecurity has a direct impact on how you devote your time to these individuals.
You may feel your unavailability may affect your relationship adversely and cause your loved one to replace you with someone that may be more available to them.
So, you start to compromise on essential tasks like your job, chores, health, and everything else contributing to a ‘better YOU’re to accommodate his / her excesses.
Eventually, this over-availability exhausts you while the recipient of your time takes you for granted.
Remember, if a person truly loves you, he/she will respect your time and understand your love and devotion towards them irrespective of your unavailability on a certain day or time. You don’t have to kill yourself to be available to them every minute of every hour.
Recognize Self Worth
You may not have a significantly high-profile job; your social life may be very contained; you may seem more available than the rest in the rat race.
This does not mean people have the right to poach on your time. If the time spent on other people does not add quality to your life, it is best to stay away and keep to yourself.
Being on social media 24/7 gives out an odd perception of you being available all time. Go offline for a couple of hours in a day, or more if possible.
Do not attend phone calls or emails from your office after work hours unless extremely urgent. This will not only help you gain inner peace but draw a distinct line to demarcate your personal space that no one is welcome to encroach upon.
Chart Out a ‘Me-Time’
Me Time is an hour or two in a day that you dedicate wholly and solely to yourself. This is the time when you do things that help you relax and rejuvenate, like a trip to the spa, working on your hobbies, exercising, meditating, or even catching up on your favorite TV shows.
‘Me Time’ is a necessity, and absolutely no one can make you feel bad about it. If you don’t answer calls or text back while enjoying your Me-Time, or choose not to attend social events or casual get-togethers only to rest, relax and pull yourself together. This is OK.
Thus, taking your Me-Time seriously is one of the best ways to stop being too much available while focusing on your self-growth.
Stop Being Their All-Time Cheer Leader
You may care for them deeply, but you don’t always have to be their cheerleader. When times are tough for your special one, you don’t have to jump in and save the day for him/her.
Let them figure out their problems and let them come to you if they need your help. This way, they will develop respect for your availability than otherwise.
Make Your Goals Your Priority
This goes out to people in relationships. When you give out an impression that nothing is more important in your life than your partner, he/she may start taking advantage of your availability and eventually lose value for you.
Prioritize your goals instead. Devoting significant time towards your personal / professional fulfillment will make you less available to those that may potentially take your presence for granted.
Learn the Art of Saying ‘NO’
Unless you are a die-hard people pleaser, it will benefit you to learn the art of saying ‘NO.’ Sometimes, ‘No is Good’ irrespective of how the recipient reacts to it.
If you have been saying ‘yes’ too often to just about everything that is put on your plate, whether you have a good feeling for it or not, it is time to turn things around.
If you are worried about being rude or hurting feelings, there are better and more polite ways to say ‘No.’
Here are a few examples you can refer to:
1) ‘I’m sorry, I will be happy to do this some other day.’
2) ‘Can I get back to you on this later?’
3) ‘I’m sure there are others who will be interested in this; I’m a little too tied up at the moment.’
4) ‘Sounds awesome, but unfortunately, I have a few things pre-scheduled.’
Categorize Situations that Actually Requires You to be ‘Available’
There are times that genuinely require your attention irrespective of what you may be doing at the moment.
Helping others in times of medical emergencies, lending a shoulder to a friend battling mental health problems, etc., are a few to mention. The rest can be dealt with a polite ‘No.’
Be Available for Productive Causes
Learn to judge a ‘Cause’ before investing your precious time in it. When your time is devoted to noble and productive activities like social work, creative endeavors, self-development, etc., people will start valuing and respecting your availability than taking you for granted.
Make a Comprehensive List of People That Really ‘Deserve’ Your Time
There are always a few people in your life that genuinely deserve your time. This can be your children, your spouse, your partner, or your parents.
Since these people bring joy and meaning to your existence, making time for them even when you are a little indisposed should never interfere with your ego.
How your list of personal VIPs benefit from your time or take advantage of the same, though, will only reflect their character and will never make you a lesser person.
The Bottom Line
Remember, if a person truly values you, he / she will cherish your availability and thrive from it rather than lose value for you or interest in you or take you for granted.
Unfortunately, most people these days are hardwired for superficial momentary thrills, which often die out with too much availability.
Therefore, practicing being less available will help you focus on self-growth while maintaining your relevance in other people’s lives.