Never be too much available for someone
Let’s admit, people that surround our everyday existence are important. Spouse, children, elders, friends, colleagues, and our significant other deserve our time because they enrich our lives and ‘motivate us to do better in what we do’. On the other hand, though, our wise ancestors have rightfully advised, ‘never be too much available for someone’.
Glancing through the lives of genuine and kind-hearted individuals who are perpetually ready to be ‘there for others’ at the drop of a hat, the experience has seldom been satisfactory. If you are familiar with the phrase ‘Taken for Granted,’ you will know what we are getting at.
Let’s take a more tangible example right from the pages of basic economics. When Supply Exceeds Demand, Value of Goods / Services Plummets’.
Unfortunately, this happens quite inevitably in human relationships as well, irrespective of ‘who’ you are dedicating your time to.
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So, Is It Bad To Be ‘Always Available’ To Someone You Care For?
‘Time’ is the most valuable resource that you can ever possess while on Earth because, once it runs out, there is no way you can get it back.
Therefore, when you devote your time to someone who you think deserves it or benefits from it, you may be doing a very ‘good-deed.’
However, if this ‘certain someone ends up thinking that he / she is ‘entitled to your time’ and can dictate verbal / non-verbal terms and conditions on how they can use it whether you like it or not, the consequences of such behavioral excesses can be very unpleasant.
Losing Value is the first consequence of over-availability
This may be a little unfair, but it happens all the time. When a person is confident that you will ‘Always be There’ irrespective of how they treat you, he / she will stop working towards understanding what they should do to retain your presence in their lives.
Compromised Self Worth follows soon after
This is perhaps the most emotionally debilitating consequence of being too much available to someone. When you realize your presence is no better than a couch that can be used when required and pushed away when not needed anymore, you start questioning your own worth. That’s why many self-worth coaches often advise you,’ Never be too much availaible for someone.’
Your productivity suffers eventually
With all your time being diverted to someone that has no real value for it, you end up compromising on your own productivity. After a while, you realize you have no time for things that ‘Make You Better’, be it your profession, hobbies, friends, health / fitness, etc.
Losing motivation and developing emotional instability cannot be ruled out…
- The constant feeling of being unvalued,
- always shouldering other people’s burdens,
- perpetually putting your own interests behind everybody else’s followed with
- no time for self-growth and rejuvenation…
…can result in complex motivational issues and take a severe toll on emotional health.
Over availability fuels incompetency
Everyone is entitled to being better and more self-reliant mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
When you are always available to someone to wipe their tears, solve their problems, chart their growth map, and even take risks on their behalf, you are actually preventing them from growing up to the occasion.
So, in a situation when you are actually out of their lives, they may never come looking for you but will be completely lost and devastated coming face to face with their own incompetence and incapability.
How To Never Be Too Much Available For Someone
He calls you at 3:30 am in the morning because he cannot sleep, and you pull yourself out of REM (rapid eye movement) only to be there for him irrespective of the 8 to 5 grind awaiting you at sunrise.
She calls on Friday night to declare she has chosen you to babysit her kids because she needs to unwind, and you did not have the heart to say you have plans to unwind too!
Being kind and understanding is fine, but when you start killing yourself only to be there for others, that is not fine.
NOW is the perfect time to turn things around, and that too Urgently!
First things first, please understand that being ‘less available’ will not put you in a bad light.
‘It will only set a few very necessary boundaries that will make people respect your time, value the moments you share with them and actually benefit from your presence in their lives.’
Start by Learning to Say NO
This is the first step to setting boundaries. For example, if someone seems to be taking advantage of you rather than requesting your time for something genuine, it is perfectly alright to say ‘NO.’
The good news is, you don’t necessarily have to be rude while declining someone. You can always equip your statements with phrases like ‘I’m so sorry, I don’t think it will be possible now’ or, ‘I wish I could but…’ or, ‘Some other time for sure’… etc. to cushion the shock.
Consciously Eradicate Insecurities of ‘Losing’ the People You Love
If you love a person and the person loves you back equally, he / she will always respect your time. Therefore, if you are unavailable for a few moments, you will never have to fear losing your importance in their lives.
Prioritize Your Needs
Prioritizing your needs does not make you selfish. It only refers to attending to essential activities that pay your bills, keeps you healthy, happy, productive, and motivated. Your profession, hobbies, friends, workout routine, etc., are all included in this sphere.
You need to set some strict boundaries so that people you care for don’t try to tap into this time unless it is very urgent.
Social Media Distancing
It can be for a couple of hours or half a day at the weekend. Being offline has its own charm to establish unspoken yet essential boundaries where it is required. It can be really helpful when you actually want to embrace the statement, ‘Never be too much available for someone.’
Base your Availability on a Cause than Person
The person may be your lifeline, but if the Cause for which he/she is demanding your time is entirely irrelevant, feel free to decline with your newly learned art to say ‘no’ politely.
Food For Thoughts
While walking this illusionary daze called Life, always remember ‘Your Breath Is Finite and Your Time on Earth Is Limited.’
The Bottom Line
Keeping this piece of Universal Truth in mind, stop wasting your presence where it is not valued, and take a pledge to never be too much available for someone. Start focusing instead upon using your precious minutes judiciously on people, decisions, and actions that actually cater to your collective mental, emotional and spiritual development.
Also read: How To Stop Being Too Much Available?